Giving Milestones Their Due

Carey and Tim's Wedding, (from left to right) Ralph, Stephen, George, Brad, Carey, Tim, me, Julio, and Randy

Tim and Carey – Part 1: Milestone Celebrations

It was a warm and clear late August morning when nine Veterans on a group text got the message from the tenth.  Tim (not the same Tim from the “Veterans Day 2025” Blog) reached out to us all with a save the date message.  “Hey y’all.  Need your addresses for the wedding. 16 December at 1400 with reception following.  Hawaiian t-shirts or dresses.” We learned about Tim and Carey’s engagement a few days earlier on social media, and were pleasantly taken aback by the wedding invite.  My wife and I were stoked to be Louisiana bound.

The event would bring in five of us Alaska Veterans to Louisiana from Florida, Texas, and New York.  This would include the Veterans that my wife hadn’t met before, including Tim, Carey, George, Julio—and his significant other Bany—as well as those she knew from prior trips, like Ralph and Brad as well as their significant others, Kori and Whitney, respectively.  It was a great opportunity to celebrate the joyous and sacred milestone of marriage with the some of my closest military family members.

For Tim and Carey—who have celebrated more than their share of important milestones—it was an opportunity to celebrate one of the world’s most important milestones together, and doing so in the presence of their family and friends.   

A battle buddy for all seasons

Tim is one of my closest Veteran family members, which I think is a common theme among those who have served with him.  He was well-liked by the members of our platoon and company for several reasons.  1- He was a physical training stud, and immediately increased our squad’s average physical fitness test score by double digits.  2- He was a good soldier who worked hard, was eager to learn, and wanted to contribute to the team’s mission in a meaningful way.  3- He had a good disposition and was serious about his job, but didn’t take himself too seriously.  Our squad leader, Gerry, asked me to take Tim under my wing as his mentor.  This was an opportunity to pay it forward, as Gerry once asked my mentor, Tyronne, to do the same for me upon my arrival two years earlier.  It was a way to square new soldiers away, without being in their chain of command; more of a brotherly relationship as opposed to the fatherly one that often developed with squad leaders like Gerry. 

The most effective mentorship tandems I have participated in included multi-directional learning, and my relationship with Tim was no different.  I worked with him on individual and team battle tactics such as military operations in urban terrain (which today is called urban operations).  I also helped him with basic arctic warrior tasks, including the effective ways of setting up ten-person tents, Yukon stoves and the gas cans that make them purr, as well as tips and tricks to navigate through the Alaskan winter tundra with skis and snowshoes.  Tim, in turn, taught me how to drive a manual transmission.  He gave me the keys to his 1993 Chevy Silverado, a couple of solid pointers on foot and hand synchronization, and we were on our way from Anchorage to Fairbanks.  This was a highly welcomed skill, and I fell in love with manual transmission vehicles, owning several of them over the years.

Like all Veterans experience over their time in service, we parted ways, and divergent growth ensued.  We went years without contact, but reconnected after a 12-year hiatus via social media.  A few years later, we found ourselves in a position where we could hit a rally point for a few hours.  Tim was spending time with his family in central New York and I was driving from western New York back to Long Island to visits my family in the summer of 2012.  

We talked on the phone to sync up, which was the first time we had truly talked in fourteen years.  I remember how low his voice sounded on the phone and admitted this to him when we linked up in person. Without missing a beat, his deadpan response was, “I’m a man now”.  We both laughed for a minute, but after a few seconds I thought to myself, “man…that is an understatement.”

Tim and me at our central New York rally point - 2012

Tim carved out quite a military career for himself after leaving Alaska.  He graduated from Army Ranger School and then successfully completed Special Forces Selection and the subsequent Qualification Course, earning the green beret of a Special Forces soldier.  Through successful completion of these incredibly difficult training programs, he earned the coveted triple canopy, which only elite soldiers who earn their Special Forces, Ranger and Airborne tabs wear proudly, yet humbly, on the left shoulder of their uniforms.

Tim’s military milestone achievement didn’t stop there.  He also graduated from some of the other incredibly selective and challenging schools the US Army has to offer.  The list includes Survival, Evasion, Resistance, and Escape (SERE) School, Special Forces Dive Qualification Course, and Jump Master School. 

A lifelong learner, Tim pursued academic achievements as well.  He graduated from Tarleton University with a degree in Business Management and made the move from non-commissioned to commissioned officer.

Tim at his Commissioning Ceremony in Texas - 2013

To say I was proud to be his first mentor in the Army is an understatement.  I recognize that I taught him a few tactics and environment/mission-specific tasks early on to help square him away, which were no different than the things Tyronne taught me.  I was another link in the informational chain that passed along institutional knowledge from one soldier to the next.  I was fortunate as a mentor that my protégé continued on and became the elite warrior that he did, celebrating some of the rarest military milestones the US Army has to offer a special operations warrior. 

A caring and mission-devoted medical officer

Carey is no stranger to achievements either.  She graduated from Metropolitan State University, in Saint Paul, Minnesota with a Bachelor of Science in Nursing, along with a Certification in Public Health, which demonstrates core competencies in public health sciences and a strong commitment to the public health field through continuing education. 

She was commissioned as an officer in the US Army Medical Corps and provided resilience and triage training to Special Forces Operators early in her career.

Carey (bottom left) and several other officers in her unit complete a 10-mile march for Veteran suicide prevention - 2013

One of her most memorable military experiences came while she served as a commander.  Carey worked with several officers that outranked her, which often occurs in the Medical Corps based on the level of academic training an officer gains leading to their commissioning.  One such officer asked her to pin him, an important role in the military promotion ceremony, where the pinner removes the current rank from the uniform of a servicemember that is being promoted and pins the new, higher rank on the promotee.  Pinning someone who technically outranks you during this ceremony is rare and says a lot about both the pinner and the servicemember of honor and the mutual respect they harbor for one another.

Carey will admit she wasn’t the biggest fan of celebrating milestones, like promotions and change of command ceremonies.  Like many in her shoes, there is a level of attention provided to the person of honor during these events that can make them feel a little awkward.  She did, however, acquiesce to deliver a speech when she took her last command, which was to lead the last Combat Support Hospital (CSH or cash) in the US Army.  In this role, she would lead triage operations of up to 700 individuals per day while overseeing the efforts of over 300 soldiers.  Standing at just above five feet, a soldier from her team brought a step stool for her to stand on while at the podium, and a bullhorn, as she had the reputation of being firm, yet soft-spoken. 

The humor of the event wasn’t lost on her, and her first command to the organization came at the end of the speech, where she told her troops that any praise on work well done should come to her, while any criticisms should be directed to her supporting First Sergeant. 

Carey’s feeling towards celebrating milestone achievements highlight how many people feel about their own milestone celebrations.  Many just don’t want the attention and the public speaking expectation they typically bring.  It is, however, important to note that there are documented health benefits abound in celebrating milestones.

The importance of milestone celebrations

Marking milestone achievements is a profound reminder that not every venture in life is successful.  In meeting the goals and objectives of a given endeavor, one should take humble and honest pride in their achievement.  Accomplishments like these often involve trials and tribulations where resolve, resilience, and determination can help one push through the blood, sweat, and tears that come from difficult times and rites of passage.

Two common ways to mark life’s milestones include experiential and tangible approaches.  Experiential ways to mark achievements include celebrations, speeches, and parades.  Tangible ways include the presentation of trophies, awards, as well as uniform accolades, such as tabs, wings, and medals.  

Experiential milestone celebrations

Celebrating milestones such as weddings, graduations and other in-person events can reduce loneliness, improve long-term joy and resilience, as well as boost self-esteem through the strengthening of one’s support system.  Research conducted by Brick et al., 2022 and published in the Journal of Public Policy and Marketing studied the impact milestone celebrations had on perceived social support (link to the news story available here).  They found that individuals that make an intentional effort to memorialize positive life events and achievements in tandem with breaking bread with those who matter most results in participants feeling more socially supported.  The belief is associated with health and wellbeing outcomes, which include increased longevity, decreased heart rate, lower blood pressure, improved quality of sleep, and decreased anxiety and depression.

The relationship of wellness and milestones also has a lookback period, with adults that embrace past accomplishments often experiencing less stress, anxiety, and depression compared to those that don’t.

Me, Brad, Julio, George, and Ralph on Tim and Carey's wedding day

Tangible milestone celebrations

I remember being at an awards ceremony where a three-star general received an unexpected award.  He was appreciative of the plaque he received, and told the attendees that he will hang it in a place of pride.  What a great way to describe an area where one’s accolades can be displayed as a reminder of the resilience, resolve, and determination exemplified to reach greatness.

Having a prominent area of your home delineated as a place of pride can be beneficial to your health for many reasons, with providing a self-esteem boost being the most obvious outcome.  A place of pride can also provide motivation, as looking back to past successes can remind you of the resolve, dedication, and motivation required to reach success and can be a realistic forecast for future success and achieving the next great thing.  A place of pride can also yield psychological comfort, offering an opportunity to reflect on successes, which can reduce anxiety.  It is important to note that a place of pride is beneficial if it is built and nurtured with a sense of authentic pride and not hubristic, or arrogant pride.      

Carey and Tim's place of pride

A wedding celebration teeming with southern charm

My wife and I thoroughly enjoyed every moment of our trip to Louisiana, from the time we arrived at Louis Armstrong New Orleans International Airport, to the time we reentered the flight hub three days later.

Attending Tim and Carey’s wedding celebration was an extended and magical milestone celebration.  The nine of us Alaska Veterans and our significant others shared a rental house for the duration, staying up well into the early morning hours catching up on things since the last time we were together and laughing the whole time.

We found some time to play a round of golf, visited the French Quarter of New Orleans, and spent cherished time with Tim and Carey at their lake-front home along with many of their other friends and family. 

George, Corey, me, Kori, Ralph, Whitney, and Brad in New Orleans

The wedding was Hawaiian-themed, an apropos motif, considering Tim and Carey met while being stationed in the 50^th state.  The ceremony was short and poignant, sharing traditional vows and exchanging rings, with the twist of a lighthearted Hawaiian atmosphere. 

Even though the members of our Veteran group aren’t family in the conventional sense—by blood or marriage—I have always felt like we are, and in many ways, we are closer than many conventional families.  This feeling was fully validated when the time came for wedding photos and all the Veterans in attendance were asked by Carey to come up for the first round of portraits with the honored newlyweds.  I had never seen that Veteran-to-Veteran engagement before at a wedding, and doubt I will again.

The trip culminated with a post-wedding reception at a picturesque banquet hall with 5,000 square feet of covered wooden deck and boardwalk along a pristine, backflowing bayou.  The ambiance, food, music, and dancing were second to none and the memories made were a commensurate experience. 

I’m immensely grateful to have been there to celebrate this milestone with my military family and wouldn’t have missed it for the world.  It was an opportunity to share in Tim and Carey’s journey, a chapter of my life to remember, written with those who I have completed many of the most profound chapters of my life.