How Marriage Can Increase Wellness and Longevity
Weddings and their vows – Tim and Carey Part 2
The act of reciting wedding vows can be an emotional time for many brides and grooms the world over. They mark the end of a chapter of one’s life and beginning of the next chapter of partnership, monogamy, and joint growth that can stir up feelings of excitement, nervousness, happiness, and overwhelming gratitude.
While the union of woman and man has been documented as far back as ancient Mesopotamia, Egypt, Greece, and Rome, these archaic unions were more contract-based, than love-based. Fast forward several thousand years, traditional wedding vows are thought to have originated in English church rituals and first codified in writing by Thomas Cranmer’s Book of Common Prayer in 1549. While still steeped in contract language, wedding vows have evolved from memorializing a business transaction to being quite personal and loving in nature.
So, when my trusted teammate, and close friend, Tim asked me to be the officiant for his wedding back in 1997, and recite wedding vows for he and his fiancée, I immediately was honored and agreed.
A cold-weather wedding
One of the little-known truths about being an Alaska resident is that you can preside over weddings in your home state. The rationale for this somewhat unorthodox rule is based on the remote nature and small populations of Alaskan villages, which are peppered throughout the Last Frontier. Some communities are so small and/or remote, that they do not have a town hall, let alone a church, and lawmakers decided that they didn’t want to be burdensome on their residents.
Nevertheless, I was tasked with helping my friend and his fiancée, and I was going to take the role seriously. Tim asked for wedding vows to be prepared, so I checked in with several other recently married soldiers in our unit and found content and inspiration from the vows they used.
The wedding took place at our team leader, James’ home on base, with several other of our valued squad members in attendance. It was different than any wedding I have been to before. Very intimate, but with all the importance and meaning of every other wedding I had witnessed. We all dressed up and had a short, but memorable post-ceremony reception. Like many weddings involving entry-level enlisted service members, there was no time or finances for a proper honeymoon.
As time passed on
After parting ways upon the end of my time at Fort Wainwright, Tim and I lost touch for a few years, but then reconnected 12 years later, in 2010. I came to find out that I was 0 for 1 as far as my wedding officiant statistics are concerned, with Tim’s first marriage ending in divorce.
I was sorry to hear that, but it was understandable. Unfortunately, this happens quite often, with approximately 42% of first marriages within the United States ending in divorce.
There are numerous reasons marriages do not last, with lack of commitment, regular arguing, financial stress, unrealistic expectations and lack of unity in future relationship/family goals being among the most typical reasons. Sometimes marriages do not work out and, while I was unhappy of learning about Tim’s divorce, I knew that he was overwhelmingly unhappy in it, and, for him, it was for the best.
When Tim met Carey…
Carey and Tim met while they were both stationed in Hawaii. Tim closed the chapter on his distinguished Special Forces career and began work in the US Army Medical Corps. Carey worked as a commander, also in the Medical Corps, and, being within the same military healthcare circles, they knew many of the same people.
Each of their respective supervisors knew the other and began a covert mission of trying to get Tim and Carey to meet with the hope of kickstarting a meaningful relationship. Both supervisors were tenacious, a quality often found in leaders at that level and spent the next six months developing their plan, which manifested as a trivia night team up at a local public house.
They didn’t hit it off at first. Maybe things felt too contrived, or perhaps it was the fact that Carey had lost a charismatic patient earlier that day and Tim was nervous leading up to the introductory evening. Needless to say, they did not make the best first impression on each other. The night did end on a high note, however, as their team won trivia night, thanks to Carey’s knowledge of Archimede’s Principle. Maybe the teams in game turnaround was a metaphor for their chances?
They decided to give the potential for a relationship a second shot, and—being quite protective of Carey—her supervisor, Kate served as a chaperone during the first few dates that had over the first three weeks of Tim’s courtship. How is that for the old school approach?!
Kate also made it clear to Carey that she was going to give Tim an honest shot, as her husband came from the Special Forces community, and had knowledge of Tim’s background, reputation and high character.
Tim’s character was so high, in fact, that he waited three weeks into their courtship before kissing Carey. Things got to the point, where Carey asked herself if he liked her, but being the type of person to address the unknowns, she told Tim, “There is something that I have to do and I have never done that before”, “You never kissed a guy before?”, asked Tim. “No”, she responded, “I never made the first move.” While it took a while to get to this early relationship milestone, it seemed worth the wait.
The “getting to know you” period of dating included some Hawaiian snorkeling, which they dived into at the famed Electric Beach, a top-five snorkel destination on Oahu. Electric Beach is known for being as dangerous as it is beautiful, where being a strong and experienced swimmer is key, given the currents of the area. Strong shore breaks, unpredictable open-ocean currents and shifting surges make the waters off Electric Beach challenging, even for experienced snorkelers. Tim confesses that he underestimated the currents at this spot and it made for an interesting outing to say the least…Carey was quick to tell me, “think of the sea turtle scene in the original Finding Nemo...it was exactly like that”.
It was a great experience for both of them, however, Carey made it clear through several chuckles that even though Tim helped pull her through some of the more difficult currents, “He still tried to kill me.”
A Golf Tandem to be Reckoned with
Carey and I met on the golf course in Clearwater Florida in spring 2025 during the Third Annual Foxhole Alliance Reunion and Golf Tournament. She and Tim were grouped with me on a three-player best-ball scramble team. We were pitted against the two other teams from our group. One could easily expect that type of set up to be stressful, with us trying to beat the pants off of the other two groups. It was quite relaxing though, with smooth swings exhibited as a function of a ton of laughs.
Their good-natured humor and positivity were infectious, with their quick-witted comebacks and general demeanor. Golfing with Tim afforded a great opportunity to catch up. Golfing with Carey allowed us to get to know each other and gave me the chance to provide my perspective for why Tim is such a great guy. I thoroughly enjoyed the round with them and look forward to the next time we can hit the links. The laughter did not stop…not for one moment.
How marriage can help wellness and longevity
There is a wealth of research that indicates happy marriages are associated with improved wellness and increased longevity. Scientific research shows that those who are in supportive and responsive marriages display healthier behaviors, better overall physical health, greater mental health and emotional stability, and long-term wellbeing, when compared to unmarried people.
An article published by Time Magazine in 2018 outlines the relationships between marriage and wellbeing and longevity. Married people often encourage their spouses to adopt healthy habits, including exercising, eating healthy, and regular medical checkups.
There are psychological benefits as well, such as finding a purpose in life, refining a positive identity, sense of belonging, and a sense of security, which may reduce stress hormone levels and the negative impacts they can bring. Happy marriages provide a level of social support on a clear level above and beyond what can be gained from friends and family.
A study by Lawrence et al., 2018 published in the Journal of Happiness Studies found that married individuals live longer and are healthier that those who either have never been married, are divorced or widowed.
General happiness appears to be foundational to the relationship between marital happiness and longevity, suggesting that marital happiness is associated with or directly contributes to a broad dimension of wellbeing. Overall, being in a happy marriage is strongly linked to increased health and greater longevity, in part because of its relationship with general happiness.
It is important to note that while the authors of this study report that a happy marriage can protect against chronic and acute stressors in life, unhappy marriages can have the opposite effect on the same mental and physical attributes described above, leading to marked decreases in wellbeing and lifespan.
While some benefits can be attributed to healthier people being more likely to marry, high quality marriages can provide unique protective effects that go beyond the effects of health that are independent of marital status. It is important to note that researchers cite that it is not just being married, it is being happily married.
It is also well documented that married people have lower mortality rates from various causes, including heart disease, stroke, and certain cancers when compared to single, divorced and widowed individuals.
A warm-weather wedding
As outlined in the Part 1 Tim and Carey Blog posted in February 2026, members of our Infantry Company converged from various places across the United States in the country on Slidell, Louisiana. From all corners of across Texas, Florida and New York, we found ourselves gearing up for a wedding to remember along a waterfront house, with dock and boat slip, along the shores of Lake Pontchartrain. It’s always good to see our friends, and doing so in celebration of this joyous event was a great opportunity. The December weather in Louisiana was perfect, and a welcomed change from the chilly, snowy holiday season in Western New York.
Fast forward a day, and we were all dressed in our Hawaiian garb, honoring our bride and groom’s meeting state and capturing the general laid-back feel of the occasion. The pastor read the traditional vows, and Tim and Carey recited them with strength and pure happiness.
The event was sealed with the telltale kiss, and Tim moved in fast once the pastor gave the verbal clearance. My guess is that he wasn’t going to be accused by anyone in the room of taking too long to kiss Carey this time.
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